Recently on The Day with Trae, Ashley McGirt-Adair, MSW, LICSW, and Trauma Therapist at the Therapy Fund Foundation, stopped by to talk with host Trae Holiday. She discussed how parents can cope with trauma, drawing from her extensive experience and expertise.

McGirt-Adair emphasizes that the conversation around trauma needs to shift from mere discussion to concrete actions and real solutions to address the ongoing traumatic events in the community. She frequently receives calls about gun violence and other incidents, noting a troubling desensitization among community members. The common reaction to another shooting or trauma has become a weary, "What's next?" She highlights the need for effective strategies and navigation through these challenges.

“Some of those solutions are, of course, therapy, and I really appreciate this platform,” McGirt-Adair said. “Because of this platform, hundreds of individuals have reached out for therapy, and when they're completing those applications, they're checkmarking. They heard about it from Converge, they heard about it from Trae, they heard about it from Deaunte.”

However, McGirt-Adair also observes that clinicians in the community are overburdened and overworked, indicating a shortage of mental health professionals. She calls for more healers, increased access to mental health resources, and additional funding. Recognizing that her organization cannot address these issues alone, she stresses the need for collective action. She believes that when individuals work on healing themselves, it contributes to the healing of the entire community.

“It’s in the home where we learn to process our emotions,” McGirt-Adair said. “I work with a lot of parents, and sometimes parents tell me they put on this brave face; they don’t want to show emotions to their children. Actually, that’s harming us, because if we don’t see our parents with emotions and see them heal through those emotions, it doesn’t teach us as individuals.”

For example, a parent might say, "Mommy’s sad, but Mommy’s going to be okay, and this is what I’m going to do to feel better." This openness teaches children about emotional resilience.

She notes that in many communities, especially Black communities, showing emotions is often stigmatized, particularly for young boys. This stigma contributes to issues like gun violence. She recalls a gun violence conference where it was mentioned that Seattle had a ten-year period without youth homicides among children aged seven to eighteen. This demonstrates that solutions exist and can be effective.

“Oftentimes, you know, the teens, they just want to talk with their friends and go off in their own space. But how do we bring them back to us as parents, as caregivers, as elders, to want to have a conversation with us, and so that we have a relationship, and so that the community knows us and doesn’t know us just in times of tragedy,” McGirt-Adair said. “So when I was called out to Garfield High School, the students knew me. I had been going there; I’ve been having conversations. I’m not a new face to the community, so I think it’s really important that we show up.”

McGirt-Adair pointed out that today’s generation is growing up in the era of social media, which requires a different approach from previous generations.

“So we’re dealing with a different generation, and so we really have to meet them at their level,” McGirt-Adair said. “We have to meet them on TikTok and on Instagram and other social media platforms and really show them positive things that their generation can be doing, positive things that they can engage in. And like you said, really affirming their greatness, speaking life into them, because so many people grow up in households where all they hear is negativity, or they turn on the television and they see negative things about people who look like them.”

She notes that parents and caregivers often struggle to manage their own emotions, making it essential to start with self-awareness and emotional management. By doing so, they can model and teach these skills to their children, helping them learn to manage anger and other emotions constructively, rather than resorting to violence.

McGirt-Adair acknowledges that social media isn’t going away and mentions that some schools are implementing measures like banning cell phones. However, this may not be a universal solution. She suggests parents use tools like phone downtime settings and pay close attention to their children's friends and peer groups. Understanding who their children are engaging with is as important as knowing their own children, as peers can have significant influence.

To learn more about McGirt-Adair and the Therapy Fund Foundation visit ashleymcgirt.com and therapyfundfoundation.org.

For more on finding mental health resources tune in with Trae every weekday at 11 a.m. on all Converge Media platforms and The Day With Trae YouTube Channel.